Saturday, November 6, 2010


While "Cheerleader" isn't on my Top Hundred Thousand Million List of Vocations I Want My Daughters To Consider, I do understand that some people are mildly obsessed with the (ahem) "sport."  Cheerleading has now bred offspring called "Dance Team" and "Drill Team" and other equally (ahem) "interesting" (ahem) "sports."  And, as fans of a football team, whether great or grievous, we are forced to sit through halftime (ahem) "performances."  

Now, I have to admit that the "performances" are mildly entertaining and better than staring at the grass at midfield or listening to the idiot next to me publicly berate my husband.  But, after a while you have seen so many performances and outfits and costumes and routines that you become an unintended, unwilling, quasi-connoisseur of dance team ephemera.  And, you then start to get worked up about things like I did the other night.

The ladies "pranced" onto the field for yet another stunning, half-clothed performance and I noticed that they were each wearing the same NBA player's jersey.  A Los Angeles Laker player.  Who wears number 24.   Yep, you guessed it.  Kobe Bryant.  You may also know him as the guy who was accused of sexual assault in 2003 and admitted to adulterous behavior!!  What an excellent idea for a uniform for young, high school-aged women!  ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? 

Do I sound like a grandma, here?  So what!?  Maybe Grandma is right.  Pull up your pants.  Watch your mouth.  Pick up your garbage.  Get off your cell phone.  And for cripe's sake, don't pay homage to some idiot that has been accused of, associated with, or convicted of a crime against women or has done something to set women back 4000 years on the evolutionary timeline!

Perhaps this is a trend.  Let us gather together all of the most horrid role models for women and construct uniforms for them to wear as they prance about in front of their parents, teachers and other highly impressionable youngsters!  GENIUS! 

Presenting the 2010 Really Bad Ideas for Dance Team Uniforms List:

1.Rae Carruth

2.June Cleaver

3.The Duke Lacrosse Team

4.Howard Stern

5.Ben Roethlisberger

6.Jenny McCarthy

7.Clarence Thomas

8.A Pimp

9.O.J. Simpson

10.Hugh Hefner

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