Saturday, April 17, 2010

Rain Man

**Disclaimer**  This blog has no intention of making fun of or mocking those people who are coping with autism.  Please do not call the ACLU.
**Disclaimer on the Disclaimer**  This blog has every intention of making fun of the mental disease we call "Being A Football Coach".

It struck me the other day that football coaches are alot like Dustin Hoffman's character, Raymond,  in Rain Man.  And as I continued to think about it, the parallels and comparisons were staggering.  It was incredible!  I couldn't stop coming up with similarities.

The scene that holds the most meaning for me, football coach's wife-wise, is the one where (stay with me here) the social worker at the facility in which Raymond resides is trying to illustrate to Charlie (Tom Cruise) the severity and complexity of Raymond's autism.  He gives Raymond a couple of extremely complex mathematical problems that he solves with computer-like ease. 

He then asks Raymond how much a candy bar costs.  He answers, "'Bout a hundred dollars."

And THAT is exactly how a football coach's brain works!  Some things do compute.  Others are complete figments of his imagination....

Question:  How many plays do we run?
Football Coach Rain Man: 145.  Yeah.  145.

Q:  How many plays do we run correctly?
FCRM:  2.  Yeah.  2.  2.  2.  2 plays.  2.

Q:  What's your projection for wins this season, then?

Q:  Um, OK, then.  How many players on the team this year?
FCRM:  55.  55 Players.  Yeah.  55. 55.

Q:  How many of them are talented enough to walk and chew gum at the same time?
FCRM:  2.  2.  Players.  2 Players.  Players.  2.  Yeah.  2.

Q:  So, again, how do you think the season will go?

See?!?!  And you know how Raymond was completely obsessed with getting home to watch "The People's Court?

Well, there have been countless times when we have HAD to drop every thing we were doing to race home to watch THIS:

Do you EVEN know how badly I WISH I was kidding right now??  Do you?  'Cause I am not kidding.

Sometimes I really want to throw his underwear out of a moving car.....

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