Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Offensive Philosophy

Yeah. That's what they call them: Offensive Philosophies. Like it is some Plato-like or Socratic comment on "why we are here" or "the meaning of life."


We spend HOURS on our "Offensive Philosophies" here---we draw them on paper, napkins, dry-erase boards, even in the dirt. And, God forbid one of these precious parchments ever gets wet, thrown away or moved. Oh my. "That play was THE PLAY. It was the one that was going to WIN IT ALL for us, babe!" "It's the X's and O's--not the Jimmies and Joes!!"

Sorry. Looked like garbage to me. It also looked like the last 15 plays you drew up. Really sorry about that....

And the books! Did I mention all the football books laying about our house? See a future post for that amazing pile of literary litter.

Anyway. They start out simple and unassuming like this....

And then some cat with a pen and an idea starts scribblin'....

And then, pretty soon, we are staring at a masterpiece that resembles something most astrophysicists couldn't decipher:

And THAT is what we are going to unleash on those unsuspecting opponents! Oh. They will rue the day! That is, if they even knew what "rue" meant. Oh, they'd rue it, all right! And guess what!? If that play doesn't work, we've got thousands more. Full of rue.
But, alas, most 16-year-old football players can barely put X and O in alphabetical order, even if given 2 chances. So, what do we do? We add more plays!! Sheer numbers will overwhelm!
And I have learned not to throw them away. It could be "The One!!"
Philosophically speaking, of course.

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